Parents are important in their son’s life. Raising these young men by teaching them Tool Picks best cordless drill under £100 guide or other household chores are just some of the things that you should think about.
Lauk Woltring has collected a lot of information about the development of boys and I like to use that information to share with parents so that they can raise their sons in a more targeted way. Also, you can read here 3 tips for mothers and 3 tips for fathers.
1 – boys develop erratically
What we expect from boys is often not in line with their abilities. Boys grow more irregularly than girls, more in fits and starts, and that whimsy can be confusing.
As a parent, you think your son will never learn, or fall behind, and then, if you’re almost distraught, he can suddenly do it anyway. I experienced that myself as a mother with my son.
A boy matures socially and emotionally about 1.5 years slower than a girl. It’s nice for your son if you don’t measure him with other children.
2 – boys of the same age can be very different
There can be quite a difference between precocious boys and late-mature boys of the same age.
Precocious boys are expected to be able to do a lot, but they often exceed their possibilities and therefore get into (emotional) problems.
Late-maturing boys are easily thought to be shy or timid or unable to keep up at school, but that doesn’t have to be the case at all. There may be more to it than meets the eye, but that may only be expressed at a later time.
3 – boys can set high standards for themselves
Boys like to go out into the wide world to discover, find out something, or experiment and they are more likely than girls to be released to figure things out for themselves. It’s nice if they get that chance, but the downside is that they can impose too many demands on themselves.
If things they want to fail, it can cause their self-confidence to decrease or they close themselves off. Parents have an important supporting role in the emotional regulation of their sons.
4 – boys go from the women’s world to the men’s world
Boys leave around 10, to 12 years the so-called inner world of home, crèche, and primary school, the world in which many women are. They move with increasing independence in the outside world in which there are more men, such as in sports, playing outside alone, in high school, or hanging places.
There are many female role models in their youth, but the diversity of male role models is in many cases less present.
Boys know that they are not women and never will be (in most cases). But what exactly a man is can be vague, unclear, or rather one-dimensional for boys. The identity development of boys in our society is a point of concern and attention and parents have an important supporting role in this.
3 tips for mothers
(which fathers should also read)
1 – ensure diversity of male role models in your son’s life
Be aware of the importance of male role models in your son’s life, such as his father, grandfather, uncle, and cousins, but also the men at the sports club or in the church.
Boys know the rich shade of the inner and outer world of women well through the women they experience at the crèche, school, and at home, but with all the ins and outs of the men’s world, they come into contact much less as young boys.
They often see appearances from men but do not get much of what is going on in the emotional lives of men. That is why it is important to appreciate and stimulate the presence of various male role models.
2 – ensure safety
Boys are encouraged to go out because “he is already a real man”. They often have an inquisitive and entrepreneurial attitude, but the stress that comes with these challenges can sometimes become too much for them, especially if they appear larger than they are.
Give your son a safe back cover when he goes on a journey of discovery. Mothers can provide important emotional support to prevent their son from closing himself off from his emotional life.
3 – offer him physical proximity
Mothers often approach sons more physically distantly than daughters. I myself experienced with my sons that they were very cuddly until well into primary school, but in puberty that changed.
Don’t be afraid of or careful about cuddling or seeking physical closeness from your son because boys are very sensitive and need physical closeness from their parents.
It is important to continue to offer closeness, but in a way that suits growing boys. You can make contact by frolicking or moving along with some firmer teasing behavior of your son.
Do not reject that and do not be afraid of his strength because boys play with their mothers differently than with their friends or their father. They learn to tune in and develop their self-control and it can also strengthen the bond with their mother.
3 tips for fathers
(which mothers should also read)
1 – be a versatile role model
Men like to talk about the tough exterior of work or hobbies but that is not the whole story because there are also less heroic daily worries outdoors and indoors.
It is important that boys hear, see and experience the diversity of male role models. For example, the example of a (divorced) father who takes care of himself and his children can give a boy direction to imagine a future in our society.
Mothers can contribute by talking with respect about the daily activities of fathers.
2 – do things with your son
Boys learn more easily by doing than by verbal instruction. In addition, touch, movement, spatial physical examples, leading, and correcting are important tools that you can use when you do something with your son.
They can be very ordinary daily things that are still important and educational for boys, such as washing dishes, repairing a bicycle, shopping, or a painting job.
When fathers and sons do things together, the son learns how his father deals with emotions such as anger, and frustration, but also pride, calmness, or perseverance or he experiences how his father analyzes and solves situations. It’s not that hard to be a role model, just be yourself.
3 – give your son a suitable challenge
Give your son a challenge that is neither too easy nor too difficult, but challenge him in the ‘zone of close development’. These are activities that are actually just too difficult but that can be done with a little help or a specific indication.
A kit with far too small pieces that don’t fit your son’s motor development can be a bad idea because it causes too much frustration.
But with a large screwdriver unscrewing something, with occasionally a little force assistance, and with the quiet instructions of the father that keep the son focused, it just works. A challenge is fun for a boy, but so is success and fathers can support their sons well.